I'll Fill This Out Later

Session 0: The Blessing and the Potion

Players meet in the Blessing and the Potion, fight off some racist fucks and meet each other. They speak to "Crusher" Keshra Armerna, sheriff, where Roberto shares about his homeland. With siege weapons.

The party retires to Gyles' shop to wait out the week.

Week long GP was calculated. GM took Day Job table and multiplied by 5.

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Session 1: Fuck the walls, the PAINTINGS HAVE EYES!

The party goes to visit Crusher in the police station to see Igbert all The Blacklist style. 

There they weasel Igbert out of some information, get introduced to Puglia, the 12/10 hot human who is on loan to Crusher from Avellone, a city to the East. The Bloody Silence is learned.

Sebastian gets handsomely rewarded with an armoire and a bottle of fine elfish wine, but has lingering doubts about stealing it from the Police Station.

Azá blows silent raspberries at hardened criminals, and plays CSI: Kobold.

Giles schmoozes everything with two legs, and searches undergarments for paintings (hey, a fella's gotta make a living somehow…).

Roberto regales (a.k.a.: torments) Azá with tales of demons.

And the DM realizes that he should really pay attention to what voice he's using.

It is later found that Puglia is a person of interest in Igbert's death by psionics/brain liquidification. Puglia is found out to not, in fact, be on loan to Serpent's Ridge, but also not a police officer, forging documents.

The party charms a guard, swindles an innkeeper, contemplates about the cleanliness of an elfish butthole, and find another piece of the painting Starrui dú nia i Mahalmathey then decide it's time to interrogate people at the temple of Sheyln.

The temple is a large civic area, full of individuals expressing themselves in various (though not always good) ways.

Azá wonders how big a tapestry is based on Kobold height.

Roberto gets PTSD and seemingly ruins a painting.

Sebastian walks into a time portal.

Giles wonders about the state of the clergy.

And the DM realizes he should probably have a table of pregenerated names.

Half the party is captured by a mystical painting while the other half meet the most Jewish non-rabbi-clergyman who describes the painting, has no idea about the symbol, but points them to the house of the late owner of said painting.

The party ventures out, after getting an assist by Crusher on a shortcut.

Roberto runs afoul of fowl while on shift, Aza is cold-blooded and needs a cuddle buddy, and Sebastian. Cant. Stop. Skewering. Wolverines.

They stand at the front of the mansion, which is ticking… like a clock… or a bomb.

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Session 2: And His Name Shall Be Charley

The party ventures into the clockwork manor, where they encounter construct pots! Trapped Ghost Sound Kitties! Cliches everywhere, and a nice brandy that heals… and intoxicates.

Roberto mixes up the purpose of a lever and a screw, shows his affinity for pyrotechnics in asylums, and falls in love with an oily cold piece of clockwork named Charley. 

Sebastian goes full Aquaman, bitchslaps a psychic sorcereress on stage, and channels his inner kleptomaniac while choosing to flee from the Venus De Milo.

Aza finds mysteriously placed ladders to read books, gets locked in the dark, and should probably stay away from the Craps tables.

Gyles wonders why there's a sling in a belt, but doesn't matter when he freezes a construct's heart.

The party scours through rooms upon rooms, finding larger than normal size walk in closets, ballrooms with dancing specters and plays with levers. After this wonderful mudrun, they enclose on the chamber of Puglia, who seems to have taken residence at the manor. Despite homunculi and living dolls, the crew non-lethally take her down, and bring her back to the city.

 

 

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Session 4: "A Dinghy of Normalcy in a Sea of Abnormality"

After adventuring with the elvish group out of the portal, the group finds themselves in the elf town of Altaruk. There they pull into the market square to get some rest and refreshments.

Cloak, in her desire to look at all things shiny, tries to pay for a necklace with a volley of "hi"'s, spiking the ire of the shop owner, and forcing the guards to give chase.

Aza, with the best of intentions, attempts to use Charm on the guards to show them that Cloak meant no harm. Unfortunately, arcane magic saps life. Something the townsfolk fear.

The party is quickly captured. The penalty for most anything is fight to the death in the Bloodsand arena.

The party meets up with a large lizardfolk named Frost, a ruler's son who was outcast from his tribe.

The party finds out that language barriers are a bitch, Gyles has the best sleep that he's ever had on sandstone, Azá realizes that veggies ARE in fact good for you, Cloak hates the circadian rhythm of the real world and Frost wonders who this Sebastian person is.

Gith, the other white meat.
Gith, the other White Meat.

It's FIGHTIN TIME!

The party slaughter some Gith (which the DM still cannot pronounce to this day), find that obsidian really doesn't do jack shit, find a worthless acolyte, and make their way home. 

They get paid handsomely, the players and GM have an indepth shallow argument about macro- and microeconomics, and the Priest is speaking Italian.

As we close the curtain on this one, Aza gives a friendly, yet stern, command.

"Come along, Frost."

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Session 5: "You know if we like any of these NPC's, they're GOING to be recurring..."
Or, "They Seemed Nice."

We begin today's tale with a sick Giles wishing Aza and Cloak well on their day. After some rather confusing work at a petting zoo/stables, Aza procures a rather magnificent steed in the form of… a Ram!

Cloak falls in love with a Jackal that was formerly used in a dogfighting ring and buys it, "For Giles". 

After securing their steeds (and a lengthy discussion on the importance [or lack thereof] of dwarven last names for non-dwarves), a messenger "rudely" stops by, lets the party know Crusher is requesting their presence at the police station for interrogating Puglia.

Puglia is increasingly erratic at having her things returned to her before an explosion rocks the Police station building. A gaping hole appears with marksmen trying to aim in with crossbows. A small fight occurs, and the DM doesn't give enough gumption for the characters to give chase, which makes for a sad DM.

Cloak makes friends with Toreen, "None of your Concern" (A.K.A. Martino) and Puglia. The latter is kept in a jail cell, but not before suggesting a dimensional anchor to the city, and working as an intern/apprentice at Giles' shop.

And here is what was supposed to happen, but alas, no chase scene.

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Session 6: "Can we call them sewer wolves, can that be a thing?"
Or: You can use the wolf as a bludgeoning weapon if you want

They freed dogs. Okay!? I don't know what else you want me to put here, but they went in the wrong door to a dogfighting ring, and fought all sorts of shit, then they freed dogs!

 

And yeah, Mind Flayer hentai.

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Session 7: "You can manipulate my fate, but not my biology."
Or "An Austrian puking up the Ganges"

Kobold has D'awws if you have the coin.

The party starts in two as the DM tries desperately to merge the two parties.

The party of Giles, Aza and Cloak make their way from Serpent's Ridge to the city of Ras al-Khaimah to get the third of the painting.

There they found that the racism found in Serpent's Ridge wasn't in this corner of the world, as kobolds lined the stalls, something to Aza's great delight

The party of Ursh and Ashana went to the market to get some proper clothing (against Ursh's fashion advice). 

There the two parties met as they secretly tried the patience of the most camp half-elf in the city.

Aza turned invisible, while being held by Ursh the orc, girl talk happened, Giles went drinking, and Cloak found out that debutante ball dresses are huge.

As they went to the auction, each person had a different item that caught their eye: a book of Victory in Orcish, a mess kit of magic items, a trauma painting and the handy haversack filled with gold.

They spotted the Baroness Aujing as the purchaser of the starry night painting. 

The party went to scout out the manor, planning to heist the painting from the Baroness.

 

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Session 8: "We might have survived this with only one case of friendly biting."
Or, "Giles! Roll to seduce the guards!"

The Party finalized their plans to infiltrate the hacienda of Signorina Brunhilda Aujing.

Cloak, Aza and Ashana took to the walls, scaling them while invisible. While stealthy to the eye, Cloak once again proved she wasn't too stealthy when it came to the auditory as they made their way up to the second story.

Giles and Ursh decided that  they would stay outside and create distractions as needed. Unfortunately, the guards (fazed by the fact an old man and a large orc were outside), came to investigate.

After speaking about the auction, the guards were confused about why Giles and his bodyguard weren't inside—as they were at the auction, they should've received an invite to the afterparty. They were sent inside.

Cloak, with her newfound freedom, started  running around the house until Ashana grabbed her by the shoulders, and guided her to the main house.

Giles, in a stroke of genius, popped open the ballroom door, lit a firework, and threw it inside, slamming the door shut.

The parties met up, and Aza's Locate Object spell gave the general location of the painting, in a wine and storage cellar. They accounted for the alarm spell, but not the fireball.

After receiving the painting, they were interrupted by Aujing and her guards. After some grapple attempts, the party ended up working with Aujing to repel Black Silence members from taking the painting.

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Session 9: "You got this, Ursh"
A.K.A. "I'm about to do something very stupid."

The party was awarded various gifts by Lady Aujing—relics from her adventuring days. The party got news from Crusher that there was significant arcane readings coming from a cave network south of Serpent's Ridge. Crusher believes that given the painting's proximity for the other pieces, that might be where the last piece would be.

Aujing says that she is enlisting a caravan to go to Serpent's Ridge. They will be passing through the area. The first two days go without problem, but the last day had a series of skeletons and skeletal horses attack them.

After a series of Indiana Jones style dealings across the horses, the carriage driver being knocked off, they were taken to a former mining cave that led to a dam. There they saw monks of an evil order parading around.

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Session 10: "Ursh gets a meal"
A.K.A. "A Seven Foot Orc Hurtling Through Time and Space."

The Party goes Goldeneye!

After going through the skeleton warriors (Da da da da da da), they approach the underground dam.

The party decides to stealth through this as much as they can, knocking out guards and hiding bodies until Ashana ends up being noticed.

Alarms are tripped, crossbow bolts are fired, and the party nearly wipes until Ursh rages with his Manatee axe, cleaving through the remainder.

The strange thing, however, was that the alarms that were raised were only raised for a short time—almost as if it was a false alarm, or a test. Ashana and Ursh grabbed uniforms from the subdued guards, and Aza, once again, rode in an inanimate object.

When the party got to the dam proper, they went underground. Ursh smelled food, and Ashana found a chef's outfit for Aza. 

Ursh stripped his breastplate off, and used it as a food tray, eating the combined stomachs of four or five men.

After scouting any information, the only way was down. The party started to look over the side of the dam after they got back to the dam surface.

It was at this point that the ruse was up, and the party had to jump or die.

Ashana slow fell her way down.

Aza glided her way down.

Ursh used his robe of infinite thread, ran out, cleaved his manatee axe in the wall of the dam, and fell through the pier at the bottom.

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